Space Jammers LLC
Space Jammers LLC
Welcome to Space Jammers LLC a Basketball Association. Bring your K-12 in for basketball training and fun tournaments with great Prizes at one of our landing sites to come soon or sign up for our alien style Professional Basketball Teams. Grab a space suit and get beamed up!
GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS!
What does a highly advanced civilization have to do to get noticed around here?
We hail from the constellation Canis Minor and we’re here to harvest your organs and drain your oceans for rocket fuel. Kidding! That’s more of a Canis Major vibe.
Given that your human civilization has not yet achieved interstellar travel, you are likely unaware of how lonely space is. But we are aware! So we hooked up some garvanplows to a couple of flargenbows (and a minoflor, just for giggles) and set out to find some friends in the cosmos.
For the last hundred years, we’ve been trying to make contact with you, to no avail. But then our Lead Human Researcher made a huge breakthrough: nothing is real to humans until it is on the internet. So, with the help of your Squarespace technology, we sincerely hope the 55,419th time is the charm!
While we wait for your local governments to allow us access to land on your wonderful planet, we will offer online purchasable items to gain the wealth of your planet until we have drained all you humans possess. Kidding! We will use the funds to bring what us galactic travelers call Space Jammers. A zero Gravity form of what you Humans call Basketball we play out in space. Since we have no gravity, we had to tweak your Earthling rules, but it is still the same court and dimensions…maybe. Any who look out for our awesome new space landing zone coming soon!
FAQs
We understand enough about your fragile human brains to know that you probably have questions about the sudden appearance of a race of technologically superior space beings on your intergalactic doorstep. Our Human Affairs Officer has prepared some answers below.
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There are a few planets in the constellation Canis Minor unknown to humans. Most of us call the planet Strogador home, but some of the crew hails from the surrounding systems.
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Yes!!!!!!!! Please trust us!!! PLEASE!
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No. When we step off our spacecraft, we’re basically “holding our breath” the way humans would underwater. We’re able to do it for several hours before needing to re-board the ship for some of our fresh air. We are currently designing space suits to be able to stay with you longer.
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We use the stars primarily as a map for travel, but sure, they could be a map for our personalities, too!
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About 75%, which is as much DNA as you share with a chicken. This makes you poor test subjects, so no worries there!
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Earth is our favorite planet to visit because of how quaint it is. Similar to how humans from big cities like to visit a small town for the simpler environment but then are glad to get back to the city.
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It is your primal game of Basketball basically. We play on what you humans would call an LED screen to project your human dimensions of the court and other fun interactive features! Also, since we play in space, we raised the goal height to 12ft. We understand this might be hard for you humans since you have gravity so we will add trampolines for you!
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Our understanding of time is very different from yours. Let’s just say roughly about a hundred times longer than your civilization has existed.
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The official language of Canis Minor is Canish.
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Friends! We want to share new experiences, our deepest darkest secrets and funny memes.
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They’re both so cute! Nothing beats Ooflas, our own little companions, though. We had to leave them at home with a friend.
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We understand not all humans have the time or access to travel, but honestly, every inch of your planet has something to brag about!
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Our physical forms are much more malleable than the human body. This allows us to adapt to new environments across the cosmos. When we are on Earth, we choose to look more similar to humans for your own comfort.
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Obviously, we have names! Ask us and we'll tell you. Just like meeting a new human friend.
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Is this some sort of human joke? Of course, we can beam up humans who wish to work aboard our spacecraft or sign up for Space Jammers Tournaments (18+). Just press the Contact us button at the top of the page!
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Please don’t scream or run away! No one likes being greeted that way. Just say “howdy,” or however else you’d greet a normal human friend.
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Not humans, if that’s what you’re wondering.
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Technically, you could. However, because of temporal anomalies as you approach the speed of light, by the time you returned to Earth, everyone you know and love would no longer be alive.
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When we are not Space Jamming, we like to organize Earth style Basketball training and tournaments for school age humans grouped 6-8, 9-12, 13-18 in earth years. We are currently in orbit over southern California. Contact us for training and updates on upcoming tournaments!
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It has taken hundreds of years to get your attention! Now that we have it, we want to make our efforts worthwhile. So, we’ll be around awhile. Stay tuned for more amazing updates!
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Because we can change forms, sometimes we have tentacles, sometimes we don’t, whatever works best for the situation.
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... Communication error?!